Three Rural Letterboxes by Kiwi Flickr on Flickr
I live in an online world. And I love the friends I have made around the globe – made possible by the wonders of the blogging world.
But a funny thing happens each day as I am sitting at my desk and hear the sound of the postie pulling up at the bottom of our driveway to deposit unknown items in our letterbox. I get little butterflies. Could there be something in there apart from bills and junk mail?
I take a walk down our drive (it’s steep – and coming back up is the hard part) and open the flap. What’s inside today?
I don’t get my hopes up too much, unless it’s a special week like a birthday in the family. After all, not many people write and send letters or cards these days.
I have two dear friends I went to school with who live in Canberra. Sue is the most organised person in the world, and remembers everyone’s birthday as well as anniversaries and, of course, Christmas. We keep in touch with phone chats, but even so, Sue never fails to send a handwritten card for each and every occasion, always on time or early. Sometimes it’s the only card the kids will get in the mail all year, and it’s a real highlight. There is something about that card, arriving on your special day, that lets you know you’re loved and in someone’s thoughts.
Lin and I were best friends through high school, and shared a flat in our late teens. And we’ve always written long letters to each other. It’s a habit we’ve never broken – although now I have to admit sometimes they are interspersed with an email or two as our lives take on a frantic pace and time to write is a luxury. I have a big fat file of the letters she has written me, and I know she has a similar file of all my correspondence to her. It’s one of the things that never gets culled or purged in a fit of clutter-clearing madness. Never.
Another file that doesn’t get touched in any file-clearing is the pile of letters from my parents and younger brother and sister when they lived in England for 2 years – starting a whole week after my wedding back in 1986. There wasn’t any email then, and long distance phone calls were deadly expensive and reserved for special occasions. So we kept in touch with letters. They are mostly written on that ubiquitous blue airmail paper, interspersed with postcards from around Europe as they travelled and saw the sights. Most of them are in Mum’s distinctive handwriting, with the occasional one from Dad, and little notes from my sister or brother in young, childish versions of their handwriting.
I can sit for hours and get lost in those letters.
I look at my children and know that none of them has ever written a proper letter – and that mail correspondence from friends is limited to a very occasional postcard from a travelling friend. They live with instant communications – SMS, MSN, Facebook and MySpace help my teens stay in instant contact with friends, no matter where they are in the world. When my son was in England for 2 months last Christmas, he did not see the inside of a post office. Communication was by phone and instant messages.
A postcard from the edge by Abby Lanes on flickr
And I wonder, what are we losing? And what are we gaining?
Gain: The people my son stayed with in Hungary for Christmas have been in contact with him regularly – but not by mail. There are plans for a visit to Australia. Distance doesn’t seem to matter as much to them as it did to us. The world is truly their oyster.
Lost: I’ve lost touch with too many old friends over the years – often with the sad and frustrating ‘no longer at this address’ on the returned Christmas card I’d sent. If we’d had email or instant messaging, maybe we’d still know how to get in contact.
As I get older and the grey hairs harder to hide, I’m learning how precious it is not only to keep in contact, but really connect with friends and family. And how great the rewards can be to connect with those who live too far away to sit at the kitchen table and share our lives, our hopes and our dreams. I’ve made a commitment to send handwritten cards (birthdays, graduations, anniversaries, and even more importantly ‘just-because’ and ‘thinking-of-you’) whenever I can – just to let them know they are in my thoughts. And to write letters more often to those I care about.
I now keep a stash of paper and a pen in my car, ready for those times I am sitting, waiting for one child or the other. The waiting becomes a joy, rather than a chore.
What about you? Do you long for the days of long letters in your letterbox (the fatter the better), read with glee over a cup of tea? Full of thoughts and feelings, dreams and wishes, happenings and doings?
Or do you prefer today’s instant communication and ease of keeping in touch?
Káren Wallace
Káren Wallace would love to see everyone receive meaningful handwritten cards and letters to bring a little joy to their day! If your letterbox is feeling very unloved, and opening it brings you feelings of dread rather than expectation, email Káren your postal address to thecalmspace@gmail.com Who knows what just might turn up!
When not waiting around for her children, or queueing at the post office for stamps, Káren can be found publishing The Calm Space – on online magazine that’s like a day-spa for the senses.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Karen, I’m with you, I think we’re in danger of losing something if we stop handwriting letters and cards. I have had a few in the last year or so that mean a great deal – including reminding me of my own stashes of letters from the past from friends, a great-aunt, my grandmother. I’m actually just back from the shops with a pile of cards and a pen to stick with my resolution to write to people when I feel the need to communicate more deeply.
Karen:
Thanks for the reminder about letters and the written word made tangible on paper. I will send 2 letters off this week as I have let this medium of communication go for far too long.
David
Hi Karen, I certainly miss the deeper level of communication, but I don’t blame the medium for that. We can still, and I sometimes do, write the electronic equivalent of a letter such as you describe in the form of an email. There is something wonderful about receiving a hand written letter, but for future generations, the main thing we can pass on is the technique and importance of the letter form. Digital communication is not going away, for better or worse.
Káren, it is certainly an art which is losing ground daily, that of the handwritten letter. And, to be honest, that’s just as well in my mind.
It’s not that I don’t love receiving handwritten missives in the mail, it’s just that my own handwriting is so horrible that I am embarrassed by it. In fact, when I write by hand I print instead of using cursive. It’s the only way to assure a legible result.
One interesting return to favor is the handwritten thank-you note one should write to the person who has given you a job interview. That’s handwriting I’m happy to do, and I hope I need to write one this week!
It is a quite a coincidence to see this post, as lately, I’ve discussed this very issue with others. I do still send hand-written notes and letters on special occasions, or sometimes, for no special reason other than the joy of it. Not long ago, I received a letter in the mail from my sister. What a joyous surprise! There is something special about that, and in today’s world of technology, something unique! I am happy to see it being revived to a certain extent.
I think the most important thing is to take the time to share one’s thoughts, impressions, experiences. I know many handwritten cards, especially those written from holiday places, with something like “the weather’s fine, we have fun, take care” (of course with the German equivalent). And I know some e-mails which are thoughtful, careful, loving. It is not the medium, I think, but how we use it.
Just my 2cents,
Ulla
At 38, I am between worlds on this issue. Those younger than me don’t use libraries, write letters, or even make phone calls (it’s all texting these days). Those older than me still send letters, read an actual newspaper, and watch the nightly news on television. It is really a strange sort of in-between where I can see the benefits and drawbacks to both.
For me, being able to keep up with far-away friends via Facebook, email and Twitter is fun and keeps me in the loop on their everyday lives, almost as if I was there. It makes me feel closer, especially when they use pictures and video, where a letter always reminds me of how far away someone is. That said, I’m a big card sender and love receiving them myself.
I’m also conflicted over using a Kindle, having grown up with the smell and feel of books. I guess you could say I’m definitely pro-technology, but when the advances arrive in adulthood it is harder to make the transition (even if you can see the benefits).
Karen, I love this entry! I too enjoy letter writing & journaling hand in hand. Every season I send my friends a handwritten note or letter, sometimes its a word of encouragement other times it may be a simple hello. They often enjoy it and are still surprised by getting “real mail,” other than our less than “green” sales ads and coupons. Just last thursday I hand wrote 20 invitations for a summer dinner. I encourage everyone to remember the familiar letter, embrace it, plus its a chance to pick out cool stationary.
Thank you for this post. It reminded of the old days when I, as a foreign language teacher, used to arrange traditional pen-pals for my students. Some of them would be fortunate enough to meet like-minded souls in other countries and keep the correspondence going, while poor others never received one single letter. But common to all these exchanges were the dawdling gaps in writing, sometimes waiting for months for the next long-awaited letter to arrive. Nevertheless, there was something endearing in the hand-written sheets, sometimes beautifully decorated with drawings, the exotic stamps on the envelopes or, best of all, enclosed photographs!
It’s all changed now – student correspondence is all done online these days. But luckily, from my experience, even some of today’s young people enjoy writing letters. I learned this personally a year ago, when our then 17-year-old daughter spent an exchange year abroad. We kept mainly in touch through modern technology – Skype calls, a joint blog, photos on Flickr – but interestingly, she seemed to long for old-fashioned hand-written letters. Similarly, I revelled in every carefully drawn line and curve of her writing and sniffed the subtle scents of the letters she wrote to us. Hand-written letters magically brought her much closer to me than the more impersonal typed writing on the net. Even with her boyfriend, it was traditional letters that made their relationship special during the year apart, despite all the easier and faster instant communication tools at their disposal. They also used to slip some favourite candy, or funny little souvenirs in the envelopes. Something that no flat virtual gifts could beat!
A Japanese friend once introduced me to the concept of ‘nukumori’. He described how he felt ‘nukumori’ when reading his mother’s handwriting, for example. He translated it as something like ‘warmth in humanity expressed through your personality’. I have been wondering if we tend to lose some of it when we switch into fast-paced online communication.
In the end, though, it’s all about personal relationships, isn’t it? Whatever the medium these days, it’s about taking a personal interest in the other person and showing that we care.
Wow! It’s always so nice to go to bed as my article is published, and wake up early the next morning to a flood of comments! Thank you everyone. Let me respond to each of you as I can during the back to school rush this morning.
Joanna – I love how you’ve made this resolution. I’ve always a stash of note paper and cards ready for the moment I’m inspired, and with my love of paper they are a joy in themselves. There is something about knowing someone took the time to select it, write it, and post it that can mean so much more than simply the words themselves, isn’t there?
David – I am sure the recipients of those letters of yours will be thrilled beyond words. Thank you.
Karen, in June I had decided that in July (now), I would write a “thank you/gratitude” note, one-per-day, to whomever’s name came to mind for that day. Not the email kind, the snail-mail kind. Today is the 14th…I’ve so far sent 13. Some day’s my mind floods with names, so I have a list going, checking them off as I’ve written and mailed them (so that I don’t repeat :-)…unhorrible as that would be….) It has been fun to write a short note and pop it into the mail, wondering how surprised the recipient will be when they get an unexpected thank you note, thanking them for just being themselves and how much they’ve meant to me and how I appreciate them…17 more to go! :-)
Brad – Thanks for making that distinction, although I do still feel there is something about reading another’s words on paper – and receiving that envelope in your letterbox – that adds another dimension to the words. I admit to having wordprocessed letters (with the added benefit of photos) for speed and ease to my friends, but I do still print them out and post them, rather than emailing, where possible.
Rick – Good luck with that job interview – I do hope you need to write that thank you note :) I had a giggle about your handwriting (I’m sure it couldn’t be as illegible as my husbands), but I’m sure people would still love to receive a beautiful type-written letter from you – it’s the thought that counts, after all.
Karen – Yes! It’s that feeling of joyous surprise when you find a loving note in your letterbox, that warmth and knowing that someone cared enough to get in touch. It is interesting how the art of a paper note seems to be something a lot of us have been thinking and talking about lately. Thank you for your lovely comment.
Ulla – ahhh, yes I agree that those postcards are often a bit too short and sweet. I guess it’s hard to say too much when the words are on display for the world to see. Even taking the time to leave a kind comment and show you’ve read and thought about another’s words on a blog post can be so very special. Your 2 cents is always so appreciated, thank you.
Betsy – it’s a really interesting place to be, in the middle there, isn’t it? I appreciate technology for keeping me in touch with the friends I make online – especially the ones on the other side of the world – but there are other friends who aren’t so technology-literate. I’d never hear from them if we didn’t have post and telephone. Thank you so much for joining in the conversation!
Candace – ahhh… a kindred spirit! I so love that you hand-wrote dinner invitations. I know I’d be thrilled to receive one from you :) This resonates:
Maybe that’s one of the reasons I love sending cards and writing letters – I absolutely adore yummy paper and beautiful pens.
Sinikka – Welcome and thank you for your wonderful comment! I’m sure you’ll treasure those letters from your daughter for a long, long time. Thank you for sharing the concept of Nukumori – I love how other languages have words that have a whole world of meaning. I am grateful to you for taking a personal interest here…
Anne – wow! As I read your comment and the others from the wonderful people here, I am awed by the synchronicity – it seems there are a whole lot of us who are thinking along similar lines. I am intrigued by your one-per-day gratitude/thank you note and would love to know how your month ends up. I’m fairly certain there will be some pretty big miracles coming your way in response to your generosity and caring.
I skimmed over your post yesterday Káren, knowing I would want to return and read more deeply, and here I am. So much resonates here, starting with this, a feeling that I too have each day I have the pleasure of working from home:
I laughed out loud when I first read that, a laugh of self-recognition shared with you, and then today, when I read it again, I actually crossed my arms and physically hugged myself in the warmth of the thought. If that is the kind of feeling I too can give someone else, then yes, absolutely, I MUST be more of a giver.
I had mentioned here in this conversation what a wonderful treat it was to get Joanna’s postcard. Have you all seen her visual journal on Flickr? Click here.
I think this will be a good habit for me to get into in the evenings, just before bed, when much as I love my digital wonders, I arrive at that moment I cannot stand to look at another screen of any kind, or deal with an electronic anything. I now use my last 5 minutes before bed to write 5 things I was most grateful for that day within my gratitude journal, and I love the thought of stretching out that time: I can make my last half-hour before dream land my time to hand write a card or letter I will then drop in the mailbox the next day as I set out for my morning run.
Mahalo for this posting Káren, and for the wonderful mana‘o you drew out of our JJL Ho‘ohana Community, compelling them to share it!